Canvasses

For her scribble art

the wall

her feet

Even though I have already given her sheets of paper

Innocence

You don't reside here
Behind my eyes
Anymore
You faded away
As time goes by
Gradually
Looking for you
In my soul's depth
All these years
Where are you now?
Sometimes I ask
When I'm lost
Now as I sit here
On the crossroads
Suddenly
You come to me
With your big round eyes
And cute lips
Feeling them on mine
Your arms 'round my neck
I feel loved
So we meet again
This time face to face
Innocence

Green Beach Hopes

Together with Rix's friends and their families, we went to a beach in Subic. I returned with rashes on my forearms. It's sad to know that the sea water there was unclean. And there weren't any trash cans near the hut where we rested and grilled barbecue in between dipping and building sand mountains. I am no super environmentalist, but I feel real guilty leaving trash on the floor or throwing it out the car window. Too bad many people are not conscientious of polluting their own city or town. There are also place owners who do not provide the proper waste disposal equipments. And also the law enforcers are not strict in implementing the ordinances on waste management. The same goes for vandalism, stealing of public signage and burning of trash just about anywhere, just to name a few. The view is nice and the place inviting, only if it was maintained properly.

Mommies Are...

Some sweet quotes/messages I received this Mother's Day:

• "Though not wrapped in fancy paper and ribbons, mothers are the best gifts we've ever lived to have..."


• "Motherhood is a tough 24-hour job: No pay, no day-off, most often unappreciated, and yet resignation is impossible!"


• "Beautiful moms reflect God in their lives. They think His thoughts, speak His words and love without end."


• "Being a mother is tough and most often not appreciated but, God knows what's best for us, so why should we complain? We always want the sunshine but He knows there must be rain. We love the sound of laughter and the merriment of cheer, but our hearts will lose their tenderness if we never shed a tear. God tests us often with trials, suffering and sorrow... He tests us not to punish us but to help us meet tomorrow. So whenever we are in trouble and everything goes wrong in life and family, it is just God working on us to make our spirit strong and surrender to His will."


• "What I love most is the way God instilled, a love in her heart so innate and so still, reflecting His love that doth never ceases. She's called as 'Mother', God's best masterpiece!"


• "A mom is like a simple calculator. Someone who adds comfort, subtracts fear, divides blessings and multiplies joy."

This Job Or That?

There are some days...or shall we say, most days, that I have to virtually drag myself to work. I know this is sinful with the financial crisis going on, I must be thankful I have a job. There might be many people who would love to have my job, and all I could say is, "Take it!" Three years is a short time to be with a company, but am I getting tired? Actually, I want to be a work-at-home-mommy personally caring for my daughter and not missing her milestones. Would it be selfish of me to want to be involved in my baby girl's life before she starts school? After all, I could be easily replaced at work, but no one can replace me as my baby's mommy.

That is one of the top reasons why I plan to leave. Sometimes, I am envious of full time mommies who blog so much about their children, because what I see in my child most of the time are the wrong things that she has absorbed from the yaya or the caretaker. I want to play with her, to sing to her, to read her stories, to make art and crafts with her, to explore the natural environment with her.

Another reason is that I want to start our own business. I guess I want change. Sometimes the monotony of work is getting to me. Also, I wish to have a business that I would enjoy, where I would earn, and be an outlet to help those in need and to glorify God with. A challenge for me now is to come up with a business idea. I think it should be unique, catchy and would stand out that people will tell others of it. That is what's racking my brains these days. And I am about to throw myself into the unknown, too!

Remember last Christmas with the reports on bank robberies and armored vehicles being held up with casualties and deaths? I know that God is ever keeping me safe, but I can't help but have moments when I fear for my life, even more so when I am riding the armored vehicle to load money. Those times I tell myself that I can't wait to leave this line of work. I can't help thinking of the what if's.

So, now, I am counting down the days until I hand in my resignation letter. Wait, what should I put down in this letter? Any idea?

Old And Young

My heart aches for him. He was itching all over and his skin has red sores from scratching. It was the side effect from all the medicine he was taking - for the heart, for his Diabetes, etc. I promised I would take Elle to visit him when he goes home from the hospital. He was admitted because he had taken a certain medicine to help alleviate the itchiness but he was sleepy all day long and ate too little that he didn't wake up one morning.

My mom's dad seemed like a strict gentleman. Once I was reprimanded for combing my hair near the dining table. But he liked family reunions and we always gathered at his house whether there was a holiday, an occasion or it is just to share a meal together. I guess that's why my cousins from my mom's side are closer to me than that from my dad's side. When money was more abundant, it was his plan for the most of us to travel together to the U.S. Together we experienced Disney Land, Disney World, Universal Studios, Epcot Center and Six Flags Great America. It was memorable for me.

Grandpa always takes pride in his grandchildren's good academic standing. He always encourages me to write. He knows I like composing poems and making up stories when I was little. He also likes Calligraphy. I always admire his works. It's saddening to know that he won't be able to do that again. Age is catching up on his body now.

I was proud of Elle when we visited Grandpa. At first she was afraid of him. But when I sat beside him and she saw me talking with him, I guess that made her fear dissipate. She started to shake his hands, they even did a high five. She played with some of his things like a hand bell (amused at how shaking it could produce a sound) and his bamboo back scratchers. She walked around his wheelchair over and over again, but would pause to smile up at him. It touched me to see him smile and laugh at her antics. When it was time to go, she even gave him a kiss on the cheek.

I hope that visit made his day. Rix and I thought we should reward Elle somehow.