20 October 2009

To Love Again And Again

I believe that every woman was born with a mothering instinct, especially when her own child comes into the world.

Browsing through other mommies' blogs and photos with their kids, I can see that they are going to be great moms. Their instincts are working well for them, but mine aren't, recently. It's like I have lost my connection with my daughter, somehow. I would ask myself: am I doing things right? Am I spoiling her? Why is she not eating vegetables? I would feel like I'm flailing and failing whenever she throws tantrums. I never wanted to believe the myth of the Terrible Two. I always believe that Elle is better than that, that she is my good little girl. Sometimes, it is just so hard to control my temper and I wish I could hand in my resignation so I wouldn't get the chance to be too harsh on her. Am I a bad mommy for thinking that?

But, I just love listening to Elle's voice, calling me "mama" and laughing. I love looking at her face, seeing her smile and the twinkle in her eyes. I love how she reaches for my hands and grasping them for a dance or a short trip to her toys. I love how we play peek-a-boo, which always makes her grin or giggle. I love rediscovering the world around us with her and realizing how fast she is learning. I love how she is beginning to automatically connects the word "please" to her requests. With all these, I wonder why I wanted to hand in that letter in the first place. I have a special and wonderful child!
I guess it's just one of those days...
BTW, here's a post I just saw on Allie's blog, and I find her sentiments encouraging.

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