Sharing: Infographics on Bullying

Have you been bullied? Or have you bullied someone? Sadly, bullying is a reality that our children could face. Some bullies even take it to the Internet, hence, cyberbullying. Bullying is one of the subjects that us parents need to talk about with our children. I want to share these infographics on bullying and cyberbullying. It helps for parents to be aware of these issues that could significantly affect all children.

Sharing: Infographic On Media Affecting Kids

Source: Early Childhood Education Degrees

Are you one of those moms who are worried about how media, video games and usage of tablets affect their children? I know I am. So, what could we do to alleviate the negative effects?

Cherishing Her

As a stay-at-home-mommy, my days are all about the children. Having a new baby, she gets the bulk of my attention so even when I rest, she's still with me. How do I rest then? I lie on our bed with her beside me (because she doesn't want to be left alone). And that's the way we hang out!

So, what do we do when we lay side by side on the bed?
I talk to her.
I sing to her.
I copy her facial expressions.
We engage in a staring contest.
I let her touch my face and she pinches my nose.
I lightly tickle her or do a silly face so I could listen to the sweetest music of all: her laughter!

I used to wonder why babies are cute. Now, I know that it's because being a mom is very challenging. I am trying to savor these times when they are still little. Children grow so fast!

5 Tips for Unsuccessful Breastfeeding

AKA What I did wrong with my first two kids, thus resulting in just under a month of breastfeeding, and causing them to be illness magnets. 

I'm not saying I'm successful now. Not yet anyway. It still remains to be seen. Ask me after 6 months. But so far,  I have been exclusively breastfeeding Cayla directly for one month and two days without supplementing with formula. I'm so relieved to know that she gained weight and grew longer. Yey!

Baby Caleb with a bottle, photo taken by Elle

• Lack of information. I'm thankful to Beth for inviting me to go with her to several talks regarding breastfeeding when we were still pregnant. It helped a lot! It also helped that she briefed me on what to expect after she gave birth. She was ahead of me by about a month.
• No resolve to be committed and determined to breastfeed. It is a big factor to want to breastfeed and see this decision through. Even if it meant not bringing formula to the hospital with me, to avoid temptation.
• Mixed feeding at the very beginning. Before, I supplemented with formula right from the start and this was a wrong move. 
• Not believing I have enough milk to nourish my newborn. One thing I learned from attending the talks is that I should believe that my milk is and will be enough for my baby, despite what naysayers claim. I should not let anyone discourage me. Or anything. It seemed that she's not gaining weight or retaining any fats was disheartening. I always kept in mind that formula-fed babies really become chubby faster.
• Stopping breastfeeding when mommy is sick. I also learned that breastfeeding while I was coughing and sneezing will prove to be beneficial for my baby because she will get the antibodies that help fight these sicknesses, although it was very hard for me to see Cayla being sick too, at that time. Because she was so fragile, I cannot help but cry when her nose was stuffy and she would also cough. I am so grateful to God for healing her.

There are of course many challenges still. There were a few people dissuading me from breastfeeding. And there's the pediatrician of my two kids who seems to discourage breastfeeding. I don't know what she gets out of recommending formula. It boggles my mind. Then there's the discomfort of having a C-section. Let's not forget the sore and cracked nipples (ouch!) and the engorgement of the boobs. Plus, breastfeeding on demand demands a lot of energy and time, especially at nights. I miss uninterrupted sleep. *sigh*

So, if you would want to breastfeed, really, really want to breastfeed, think about these tips and do not follow them. :-)

Not Just A Mother

Giving birth to a son/daughter doesn't just make a woman a mom. She also has to take on other roles and responsibilities at the same time, too. Some moms even have to be dads to their children. To my 4-year-old daughter, I see myself as a/an:

• Guide - not just a tourist guide, but the mentoring kind. This is a big responsibility, for what I teach, not just through words but also through actions, is etched deeply into her mind, thus she reflects how I am as a person. I really need God's help on this one as the immensity of molding another person is quite overwhelming and challenging, a really big job! It must be done right.
• Stylist - having a daughter is sometimes fun for the moms to dress up, not just with t-shirts and pants, but with dresses, hats, hair accessories, cardigans, girly socks and pretty shoes. But, I am not into dressing up little girls as mini adults, it should be age-appropriate.
• Entertainer - kids really do get bored very easily so I need to devise ways to keep her occupied. Also, during car rides to far places, it is hard for her to stay still so it is wise to keep toys, picture books and imaginations handy.
• Teacher - the one in school is not enough, at home, I need to help her do her homework. Elle calls me "Mama Teacher" sometimes. 
• Referee - as early as now, Elle and her baby brother Caleb fight like cats and dogs already. Aside from breaking them up, I need to be objective, too. But sometimes, they said it's OK to let them resolve conflicts on their own, I just don't know if it's applicable at this stage.
• Nutritionist - for someone who doesn't really watch what she eats, this is difficult as I need to come up with dishes that will be beneficial for my kids. Plus, I don't really cook before I got married!

How about you, mommies? What other roles do you take on since becoming a mother?

http://www.zulva.com/images/mother/images/1-mom.gif

Pregnancy Thoughts + Ads

 I was wrong to think that my "diaper duties" would end with my second baby. God has blessed my hubby and I with another one. So, purchasing diapers would be part of our lives for around two or more years. Thank God my 4-year-old had been completely weaned from wearing them even at night. Our burden on diaper expense had been lightened considerably.

With such closely spaced children, I feel as if I am perpetually pregnant (and fat).

So, after I give birth, I think I will need this IF I don't lose weight through breastfeeding:

Speaking of breastfeeding, I really want to sustain it, as I have blogged about on Cymplified. And associated with that is babywearing, which I am also considering since it was suggested to breastfeed on demand, so there'd always be a tiny mouth near my chest.

Almost three children to our household and sometimes I still cannot believe that I am a mom. It would still feel surreal when my daughter calls out "Mommy?". Sometimes, I would wonder if I am truly deserving to be a mother of such wonderful and squeezable children. But, maybe God thinks so that's why He's given me more than I expected to have.

 

My Hubby As A Dad

Even though my hubby Rix is no financial expert or doesn't know which are the best penny stocks to buy, one thing I admire about him is that he's a wonderful daddy.

Being a father seems to come naturally to him, something I am envious of at times, but very thankful to God to have as the head of our family. It is amazing to see him play out the guidelines written in some parenting books that I have read, and he's not reading anything on parenting at all.

Rix connects with the children deeply and in a fascinating way. Daddies do really bring out the playfulness in kids.

It seems that he has this innate ability to know the perfect timing in situations or know the exact thing to say to our daughter Elle.

He also is great in disciplining Elle. In fact, she listens more to him than to me. I am glad to have him as my partner in raising these beautiful kids.

We did nothing special on Father's Day, read more on my post here. But, I wanted to write a tribute to my hubby as a dad.

I pray that our children will be closer to him as they grow up, especially our daughter. And that they will look up to him as a hero and role model, a representative of God the Father.

Parenting by Francis Kong

After attending the school's Parents' Orientation, parents were encouraged to stay for a talk by Mr. Francis Kong. I am not very familiar with him but he seemed like a pretty popular guy who has written 10 books. And I know that he's a speaker. In fact, some parents bought his books just outside the auditorium for him to sign. They even had their pictures taken with him.

Mr. Francis Kong is really gifted in speaking in front of people. He made sure that this seminar wasn't a boring one. And he gave many examples in order that his listeners may retain a point he wants to convey. I guess it was because of this that the one-hour talk extended to around two. But, nobody complained.

He doesn't claim to be an expert on Parenting. Below are some things that he learned through his experiences and wanted to share with other parents.

• Parents makes mistakes.
• Parents need to concentrate on the positive, to harness the power of praise. 90% should be focused on the positive and compliments, 10% should be on what he calls corrective, not negative.
• Parents must respect the talents of their children. 
• Parents must mind how time flies.
• Parents must express their love.

Things I want to keep in mind include:

• Never stop training our children.
• They are our reflections so we must keep ourselves in check.
• Let us learn from them.
• Instead of trying to balance family, work and individual time with each of the kids, think trade-offs
• Discipline our kids and be stricter with them while they are young. It is easier to loosen as time goes by, than to tighten when they are already more assertive.
• Be appreciative of our children. Mealtimes are the best times to praise and encourage, rather than to scold and correct, for they may lose their appetite.
• Allow them to do what they do best as little ones: play.

According to Mr. Francis Kong, parenting must be based on values, for these never change. Wisdom is the application of knowledge based upon values, and what we must instill in our children.

"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

Thomas Jefferson

The Parents and The School

Dear Parents,
What is your relationship with your children's school like? I attended my daughter's school's Parents' Orientation and the principal reiterated that the school and the parents are partners. But, how? According to him:

• Parents need to entrust their children to the school.
• The school is open to constructive suggestions from the parents, they aim to keep the communication lines open.
• The school will try its best to help the parents.
• The school will not say anything negative about the parents and likewise, the principal asks that the parents do the same. He said that it is not good for the children to hear anything bad about their teachers.
• Parents need to read and re-read the circulars provided so they could be well-informed of the goings-on in the school.
• The school's security measures include the fetcher's ID card to be worn by the parents or guardians or nannies when picking up the children or when bringing in lunch. This is to create a safe environment.
• When the student misbehaves or failed to submit assignments, warnings are issued then parents are contacted, subsequent misconducts will then be punished with detention or suspension. I guess it all depends on the gravity or the frequency. I hope this doesn't happen to my child!

For us, the deciding factors in picking out our daughter's school include its being a Christian school, its teaching of Chinese, its reasonable tuition and recommendation from family members. It is only the second year of my being a mommy with a child in school, in nursery, that is, so I am still a bit clueless about what to expect and about the whole shebang. 

2011 Lessons to Learn

Image by DavidDMuir via Flickr

Another one of my goals for the year 2011 is to learn and relearn lessons. We always learn something in our everyday experiences and from communication with people in our circles, unless one is quite dense or likes to make the same mistakes again and again. I believe that there is always room for improvement in our lives. At one point in my life I think that became my motto. It was a good one, thinking about it.

Anyway, as a wife and mommy, the need to cook arises and I sometimes get headaches just thinking about what to set on the table. It doesn't help that my daughter is a picky eater. So, in answer to that, I want to learn new recipes or learn to cook the same ingredients in different and creative ways. I also like to bake, and I think baking is healthier that frying i.e. fried chicken vs. baked chicken. But I would need an oven for that. It is also my goal to save for an oven, even just a small one for baking dishes like Potato Gratin. Yum!

Second on my list is learning to drive again, or practice driving. I think this one will be tougher because of the time. I have a baby to take care of and I have to find out where I can squeeze in driving lessons. My hubby must also be willing to teach me things like parallel parking, Los Angeles auto repair, replacing a head gasket, and what to do when I get into a car accident. *Shudder!* I pray for God's loving protection. Do I use the car that we already have or look for a smaller one like a Honda Civic? But I don't know where to park another car since the shared garage we have is already full. And getting a second car is quite expensive.

The learning process of a parent is never ending. Parenting requires trial and error, lots of it. Also, each child is so different from the other, having a unique set of traits, needs and wants. I am going to relearn patience and not sweating the small stuff. I have a tendency to stress over little things, which is not good when raising kids. In the aspect of child-rearing, I greatly need God's guidance. Praying over my children is vital.

Learning to be organized is hard! Each day is like having a hurricane inside our house. What should I do to make our disheveled house into a tidy home? I feel overwhelmed by this task. I need to learn determination, perseverance and being industrious in seeing my goals achieved.

What else do you think I should learn?

Boy Number One, Child Number Two

Having a second child entails a unique set of needs and ideas.

First, I had to condition my mind to accept the pain that undergoing C-section brings. Again! Next, I had to prepare my first child in getting used to the notion that she's not going to be the only baby in the house anymore. I taught her to be gentle in what she does, especially to her little brother. I am also teaching her to speak softly around baby Caleb. My heart just melts when she tries to help me in her own ways. I once asked her to get the pack of baby wipes because her baby brother pooped so much, and she did! It's amazing how she can understand instructions.

Since my hubby, my daughter Elle and I have been insured, we needed to look into an online insurance quote or contact our agent again for Caleb. And I know that it will be less expensive if we start early. There were also little significant things to do like having the baby clothes washed and sorted. I kept the girly rompers and dresses in the closet, to be donated in the near future. I am loving hand-me-downs from my cousins and my kids' cousin. It's very cost effective and they are like new. Since babies outgrow their clothes so fast, it is not practical to buy a whole lot. Elle's toys are unisex as of now, so she could share her toy cars, blocks, etc. to Caleb. Some would think that the second child is pitiful because he's getting old stuff, but parents could save more that way and buy him a new and better toy next time. And I believe he would appreciate it more. By the time Caleb would be playing with Elle's toys, she would be interested in something else.

How about you? What are your thoughts on having child number two?

Thumb or Pacifier?

Image via Wikipedia

This was a question I did not need to ask anyone when my first child was still a baby. She never needed the pacifier and she quickly lost interest in sucking on her fingers.

Every baby is unique, each one has a special set of needs and wants. Now, my second child, has a need for a pacifier or his fingers. He even sucks on his upper lip before falling asleep. My hubby and I knew that he needed a pacifier when he couldn't get settled on his own. It is only in the last few weeks that he discovered that his thumb and index finger are also yummy to munch on. And, recently, anything he has in his hands, he puts in his mouth like his cloth diaper and rattles.

Accoding to this article on http://www.babycenter.com.ph/:

There are many advantages to allowing children to suck their thumbs rather than a pacifier: thumbs are always there, don't fall on the floor, aren't tied to children's clothing by potentially dangerous strings that can get caught on things, and are under your baby's own control.

When it is time for the baby to stop using the pacifier, extra effort and creativity are needed to kick the habit. There are several ways that parents could utilize to help children say goodbye to the binky, says an article from http://www.parenting.com/:

If the pacifier has become your toddler's comfort object, you're in for an uphill battle. Some kick-the-habit strategies:
• Phase it out. Try telling your child he can use his pacifier at bedtime or naptime, but that you won't be taking it out in public anymore. (Be sure to bring along something else that'll soothe him.)
• Make it less comforting. Dr. Greene suggests dipping your child's pacifier in vegetable juice. It's not so nasty he can't stand it, but it won't taste as good as it used to.
• Capitalize on his desire to be a big kid. Have your child gather all his pacifiers and then take him to the toy store, where he can trade them in for a big-boy toy. Or suggest he give them away to a new baby your family knows (don't forget to warn the mom ahead of time to toss them!).
• Defer to an expert. Let the no more pacifier decree come from someone your child sees as an outside authority. Karen Skorochod of Wind Gap, PA, asked her son's dentist to tell him that he had to give up his pacifier or he'd ruin his teeth. It worked. "We got home and he asked for the scissors and cut them up himself," she said. "We were Binky-free after that."

Familiar with Tummy Time?

I didn't know about Tummy Time until I read the book entitled Love, Charleston. According to one of the characters in the book, Tummy Time benefits the baby by promoting "trunk stability, limb coordination, and head control, all of which would aid the baby in turning over and crawling as he grew older." It also prevents positional plagiocephaly, also known as the flathead syndrome. I sure hope Tummy Time will help my baby Caleb as he is starting to develop this condition. I also massage his head gently and I place him on the crib on his non-flat side during nap times and bedtimes. I read a helpful article on Parenting.com called Baby Steps: Tummy Time Tips. There are also other related articles there. Often, Caleb would enjoy it while I put myself within his viewing range and cheer for him. There are times that it seems like a struggle for him and he'd cry. When I see that he's having quite a hard time, I stop it and try again next time.

Lifting his head during tummy time

Related articles

• Study to look at flat-head syndrome in newborns (canada.com)

• Tummy time: How to help your baby get comfortable on his belly

Branches and Root

Most moms, like me, cannot help but find their children to be their sources of great pride. It is but natural. We find ourselves comparing notes with other moms and launching into a detailed account of how we successfully potty-trained our little ones in just a week, for example. My daughter Elle is a blessing from the Lord, she is wonderfully and beautifully made by Him. I cannot credit her lovely attributes to myself alone, she was made with my hubby Rix, of course. And we are partners in raising her. Also, parenting needs loads of wisdom from God. He is after all the greatest parent everyone could have. So there is no room for me to boast of Elle's good points, I am just grateful that the Lord, the root that supports our family, has made her that way, I am just there to enhance them and lead her to Jesus.

To Love Again And Again

I believe that every woman was born with a mothering instinct, especially when her own child comes into the world.

Browsing through other mommies' blogs and photos with their kids, I can see that they are going to be great moms. Their instincts are working well for them, but mine aren't, recently. It's like I have lost my connection with my daughter, somehow. I would ask myself: am I doing things right? Am I spoiling her? Why is she not eating vegetables? I would feel like I'm flailing and failing whenever she throws tantrums. I never wanted to believe the myth of the Terrible Two. I always believe that Elle is better than that, that she is my good little girl. Sometimes, it is just so hard to control my temper and I wish I could hand in my resignation so I wouldn't get the chance to be too harsh on her. Am I a bad mommy for thinking that?

But, I just love listening to Elle's voice, calling me "mama" and laughing. I love looking at her face, seeing her smile and the twinkle in her eyes. I love how she reaches for my hands and grasping them for a dance or a short trip to her toys. I love how we play peek-a-boo, which always makes her grin or giggle. I love rediscovering the world around us with her and realizing how fast she is learning. I love how she is beginning to automatically connects the word "please" to her requests. With all these, I wonder why I wanted to hand in that letter in the first place. I have a special and wonderful child!

I guess it's just one of those days...

BTW, here's a post I just saw on Allie's blog, and I find her sentiments encouraging.

I am THE MOM!

What went wrong?

What the couple could have done to avoid such a tragedy:

• Not let the child watch too much TV, especially violent, crime-related ones
• Why do they have poison at home? And don't they read labels? These things should be kept out of the reach of children
• Not spoil the first child
• Give fair attention to both children
• Introduce the first child to the second baby even while still pregnant, or show pictures of babies
• Teach the first child to be gentle to the baby, and give him chances to caress, play with and help with dressing the baby

How about you? What can you suggest to the couple?

Interaction Insights

The hubby's friends and their families came over this afternoon for a dinner and reunion. Sometimes, I chide other moms (in my head only) for being too overprotective of their children when playing with other children. Always following them around with arm outstretched. Now I understand where they are coming from. My daughter got the chance to mingle with other children close to her age, but older. I was worried that she will be bullied, or be pushed by those kids or would get hurt some way. But when that happens, I don't know if it's OK to tell those kids off because the parents might get mad at me. And if I tell them directly about their children's behavior, they might get insulted that I am criticizing their parenting skills. *sigh* Being a mommy is tough. What if my child went to pre-school? She would encounter different types of kids, I can't shield her from all of them!

Elhaym has toys littered in the living area, so the other kids started playing with them. She might not understand it yet, but she needs to learn how to share. We've managed to teach her to say 'thank you' when her request is granted, or when she's given a gift. The road to Good Manners and Right Conduct is probably long, but it's a journey we as parents have to take. I must never forget to display them myself. Elhaym imitates our actions like using a spoon or typing on the keyboard. She is also like a parrot, she repeats words that are being taught her. Rix and I are always being amazed at how quick Elhaym absorbs stuff.

And she shows off what she has learned to people who are willing to witness. I am so proud of her!

7 Parenting Principles

I just finished reading the book entitled God Said It, Don't Sweat It. Hop over to my multiply for the review. Neil Clark Warren, a psychotherapist and the author of this book, presented seven parenting principles that I want to share with you.

Principle #1: Your child is a separate being.
Principle #2: You have been entrusted with the sacred task of helping your children become everything they are capable of becoming.
Principle #3: Vital to your children's development is a consistent experience of being loved unconditionally.
Principle #4: Parents must carefully determine and consistently maintain limits for their children.
Principle #5: Parents must decide how to discipline their children in the most effective way.
Principle #6: Parents should help their children dream a big dream for their lives.
Principle #7: Parents must help their children develop strong character and healthy values.

Note: I got the image from Amazon.

What I won't do

There was a daddy who was working on his new, nice and shiny car. His little son came over to look. He picked up one of daddy's tools and without warning, scratched the side of this car. Daddy was sooooo mad he striked his son's hands. He then looked down to see a hammer in his hand.

In the hospital, the little boy looked up at his daddy and asked, "Will my fingers grow back?" Daddy was filled with shame and guilt.

While standing at the garage, daddy stepped back to survey the damage done by his little son. He gasped as he read the words "I love you, daddy".

Heartbreaking... isn't it?

With my own child, I promise not to:

• Do something harsh (or say something demoralizing) in anger, which I will regret for the rest of my life
• Compare her to other people's children, or even to her own sibling as she is unique and wonderful in her own special ways
• Spank her just because her grades are low
• Interrupt when she's speaking, even if her reasoning is a little on the wrong side
• Ignore her material wants, there may be an emotional need behind them
  

How about you? What do you promise NOT to do?